This morning I indulged in what is commonly known as a pity party. I've been building up to it for the past few days and it finally let loose. Bear in mind, this was all in my head, I was home alone and feeling sorry for poor, poor pitiful me. I had started out thinking about planting pansies around our light in the front yard, a nice innocuous thought and then I started thinking about my knee and how hard it would be to kneel down to plant the flowers. Then that thought went into other gardening I want to do as the weather gets warmer. But then I started thinking about money or the lack thereof to do all this gardening. And on and on it goes. Finally I got tired of listening to myself whine, and I gave myself a swift figurative kick in the rear. Seriously, what have I got to complain about? I live in a lovely house with all the modern ameneties. I have plenty of planters and seeds and dirt aren't that expensive. I drive a nice car that gets awesome mileage. I have more clothing, shoes, and purses than any one person would need. I have books to read and a library very nearby. I am relatively healthy, other than the aforementioned knee and some arthritis. I have enough money for my basic needs. So, why was I whining? Then it struck me, I was whining and feeling sorry for myself because that pretentious person I had become while working in DC is starting to fade away - finally. No more shopping sprees to Nordstrom or Tyson's Corner and all the other places I used to go. No more driving a car I couldn't afford that had relatively lousy mileage and used high-test gas. I had fallen into the mind-set of keeping up and surpassing the Joneses, except I had no idea who they are. And I think on top of all of that, I had become boring.
So now here I am, not feeling sorry for myself and figuring out what I do want and need. I need to be creative. I have always enjoyed going to funky little antique or thrift shops and finding the one piece I was looking for that with a little cleaning or fixing would be perfect for an empty corner or shelf. I love clothing and read fashion magazines. I used to make a lot of my clothing that followed current trends but had my own spin on them, so why not start doing that again. I like cooking and trying out new recipes. Being creative is fun. And I think that was behind the whole pity party in the first place. I'm not having a lot of fun, at least not the fun I need to make my life more fulfilling. So, I'm going to get creative and do more with less and enjoy the hell out of every minute. And, I am SOOOOO over myself!!!!!
